Inner Thoughts, help?

I'm a young female from Mobay, this is different from the usual confessions but it's my first time writing, hopefully u guys can make some sense of this rant I call thoughts? I've been a part of the Wild Jamaica community for many years. Granted I never really engaged in anything...just read, watched and learned. This group has really allowed me I learn a lot about myself and my desires but I'm such a shy, introverted and socially awkward individual it makes it so difficult to openly voice or find a like-minded partner. I'm always having thoughts of things that could potentially go wrong, or would I really be able to find someone that I could trust and explore with regardless of my limited knowledge or things that are just a no for me?

I might just end up being a bore, you know? When it comes to interests, I've always thought I'd love a MAN to take control of me, being able to freely submit to a man is such a turn on. I may also have praise kink but i'm such a stubborn and bratty person in real life though, I don't like when anyone tells me what to do. Contradiction? Yes. Could I really pull off being a submissive?

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I don't know, I'll just have to wait and see. I want to be able put down that masculine energy even if just in the bedroom but its so hard to find a dominant man that knows what he's doing, that I could really trust enough to give myself to completely. Probably none in my area? I've met men that say they are. Only just to get my hopes up but ends up being nothing but talk...they don't know the first thing about being a dominant yet they demand my submission without having done anything to earn it.

I know BDSM doesn't revolve around only being able to submit/dominate but there are some aspects of pain involved depending of the partner? This part I believe I would need to get acclimated to little by little; I don't believe my pain tolerance is all that high but I'm willing to try it maybe not to the extreme though. I love the idea of being tied up and used as someone's slut too. I've had a threesome before with two men...a story for another time but there were things that weren't apart of it that may have been in a typical threesome because of my hard limits but it was a great experience and it worked for us because the men were pleasers their main goal was really to make sure I had fun satisfied and taken care of.

Why I mentioned this? Well remember I said in the beginning of this post that I might be a bore or if I'd find someone that's accepting of my limited experience and things considered off limits. I love a freaky man; I love having things done to me but I'm not all that freaky myself to tell the truth. I think I've only given head three in my life- first 2 times I felt sick to my stomach. I threw up for what felt like hours after the fact, so I don't have much experience in that area and have stayed away from it since but with the right person I think I might enjoy it.

I don't do anal. Thats a hard no for me, give me a tongue though and I'll be all for it lol weird right? Hitting in the face, spit play is also a "no" for me. but I love having my pussy and ass eaten. I also have no interest whatsoever in females. I've never climaxed from straight intercourse at this point I just assume I can't, but excellent head game will always do the trick. So, do y'all think of my predicament?

Do u think BDSM is the right for me? Or should I stick to regular vanilla freaky sex?

I will be in the comments looking for your advice.

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